What I Always Thought

1.  When the sun is at the right angle, you can see Air.  Those little bits of "dust" that dance in the sunlight?  That is actually Air.




2.  Television and Radio are unexplainable mysteries.




3.  I would be the one to go crazy.




4.  That that was Nancy Spungen who talked with us through the Ouija Board.  And told us to fuck off.

5.  That I will never donate my organs, especially when I'm dead.  How do you know what you see when you're dead.  Maybe your eyeballs being removed?!?  Please cremate me, quickly.



6.  Heaven is up and Hell is down.



7.  Cemeteries are cool.  And haunted.



8.  I was a temple dancer in a former life.




9.  We are doomed.



10.  There are two halves to my face that are mirrored in my personality.  One kind, one badass.  The left side, cynically raised eyebrow, pouty downturned mouth.  The right; a bright green eye, two beauty marks and a gentle, eternal conspiratorial smile.   They try to get along, but sometimes it doesn't work out too well.  

Oh Give Me A Break

Looking through the glass you can see the shadow of the stairs.

The glass of the hallway doors!

When the sun's just right I mean.

I keep thinking that the light coming through the doors is ACTUALLY the light of the afterlife.  Shining through.  Like if you walk through those doors, well, you know.  THERE YOU ARE.

I told Robbie about that, and she WANTED to go through, just to see what was on "the other side"!

Come on!

I stopped her.

I mean, we're supposed to be here right, we can't just voluntarily leave the earth.

Oh
I guess we can.

BUT STILL.

So I always admire the view of the afterlife I have in my apartment building's hallway, it's really pretty.  But I stay kind of far away, usually.  I only go out through those doors early in the morning or at night.  So when the sun's just right, no way.

Sometimes I honestly do not know what I  would find beyond those doors.  And the shadows of the stairs through the glass might be the shadows of OTHER stairs, if you know what I mean.  "Afterlife" stairs.  Heaven or Hell stairs. Purgatory? 9th circle? 1st???!!!
I don't want to take a chance.



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check out my website HOPELESS WEALTH  for more info on my theater project 
"The Deadliest Instruments"       

Have You Heard?

Say, have you heard the one about the girl in 303?

No not that one, the new one, the one who just moved in.

Oh I guess not huh?

Well I heard this from Billy so you never know it's reliable or not, seeing as he's such a drunk.

Ok ok, he's reformed or whatever, I still never know to believe him or not.

You want to hear this or not?



So yeah, the girl in 303,  Billy lives below her you know, in 203.  So last nite he heard a bunch of wierd stuff really late, furniture being moved, heavy footsteps, stuff like that.  And then he hears her yelling out the window and I'm not kidding it was something like, "I'm sick of all you fuckers! Leave me alone! Leave me alone!" blah blah blah.  So Billy sticks his head out the window and looks up and she's STANDING on the window ledge! Yeah, three stories up!  He can see her just BALANCING there, kind of swaying back and forth with her arms out to the sides.  Like she's gonna FLY.  He yells something at her, something like "Stop!" or "Don't jump!" and she looks down and sees him.  I guess she kind of smiles and she says "LOVE is killing me."  No kidding.  And then she jumps, goes right past him.  Kind of flying she's dropping so fast.   So of course he leans out the window and starts to shout "help!" but instead he just runs outside.  He gets out there and THERE'S NO BODY.  NO NOTHING.  But he saw her jump right?  Do you know what he did see?
A bird.  A dead bird.  A CROW.  Just lying there, dead.

Wierd huh?

Yeah her apartment's empty now, no one really knew where she went, left all her stuff behind tho.

What?

Oh yeah, he's drunker than ever after that, seeing a girl turn into a dead crow.  Poor guy.

There's enough craziness in this world.

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The Little Lie

is life just loneliness filled in with a few happy birthday parties?

is it cloudy days that never seem to clear?

or rain that falls like sheets and presses you into the ground?

(are mushrooms content?)












I will smile and say I'm fine.

I will laugh and toss my hair.

Pass you in the grocery line, pretend you aren't even there.

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The Vicious Queens

The vicious queens were having a yard sale.

I walked around the painter set up on the asphalt parking strip, and the various queens hanging out nonchalantly in the shade. Drinking and relaxing.  Honing and refining their venom.

It was a sunny saturday!

I looked at the things for sale, pretty cool stuff like bakelite and dishes and antique THINGS.

I heard a queen speaking loudly, loud enough for me to hear.

"SEE HER? HER!  DID YOU SEE THAT ROOSTER? SHE HAS A ROOSTER TATTOO.  DID YOU SEE IT? NO, HER! A ROOSTER TATTOO!"

So I knew she was talking about me.

So I said, "I AM a rooster."

And she cackled and said, "YOU'RE A COUGAR HONEY AND I'M THE ROOSTER! COME OVER HERE, A ROOSTER AND A COUGAR!  HAHAHAHAHAHAH"

I felt that she might be advocating some kind of vicious fight to the death between us, a cougar-rooster and a plain rooster?

I smiled politely and a with a touch of rueful thrown in, I walked slowly away from the sale while walking slowly away.


She was still talking about the animal fight as I backed away.

I never really heard what she said.



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The Ship Wreck

why do i continue to wreck my ship upon you?

Those harsh cliffs, wheeling shitting gulls.

We seem to have telepathy you and I so it's

for me to find the most treacherous places to hit.




My ship is becoming bare, it is so

damaged by the constant pounding

and sharp salty seawater

seeping in through awesome holes.


The boards are coming loose on the deck;

The sails are raggedy, and carelessly patched.










So I  navigate around the cliffs and dangerous rocks,

but that leads me into open waters.

The crew valiantly clings to the ship -

(altho some do plunge overboard in terror and ocean like tears)

the deeps roil.

i am afraid.





Was it better to -

Should I have -









The moon pulls me further out to sea,

out of sight of any land or safety.

O earth and rocks and sand,
sticks and bugs I miss you!



I will pilot my course,

eat a t.v. dinner, and

find something to pray to.

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Family Reunion

We had a family reunion and everybody came.

The old house still looks the same, although it seems smaller and more haunted than it used to.

Our cousin Gladys of course had to sing first thing, she always had the opinion that a song will start a gathering out just right.

Usually she sings "I'm Hurting Momma, Take Me Home To Jesus".

It's inspiring.

 I always felt like the odd one out, like I somehow did not belong in this family of extroverts and show-offs.

I felt like I was looking through a window wanting to join someone else's perfect life.









But you only had to look at little Auntie Ann and her stubby arms to know that we really were related.

So what did we do at the reunion?  We had lots of food and games; we all spent some time together and apart looking up at Grandma's old window, boarded up since the accident.  We all remembered her leaning out the window and shrieking to the trees.  

It's funny how memories can sneak up on you.


Uncle Johnny was as wierd as ever, but I can't say I don't still love him!  We were engaged to be married that one year, but everyone knows how that turned out.

 We were all sad to leave the old house that evening.   It felt like that even if we did have another family reunion, nothing would be the same.  The light, the house, the trees or us.

Nothing stays the same, does it?

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dedicated to my family