THE HOLE

is there a hole inside you, too?

what do you use to fill it?

drugs?

drink?

women? (men?)

mine is bottomless.

is yours?

how did it first get dug, this hole o' mine.

i don't know when the first shovel full of (dirt) was thrown.

was i  young?

was i  old?

was it last week?

i want a bottom for this hole, i want to know how deep it goes.

i want a map, a chart a sextant to guide me.

throw me a rope, a message, anything!

i don't know if i'm at the bottom looking up or the top looking down.

i prefer the latter, but it doesn't really matter does it.

the tears flow but you know water will forge it's own course.

maybe that will guide me to the the beginning, to where the first load was dumped.

if i fill it in will it stay that way?

that hole, THAT HOLE.

i wonder:  is that me at the bottom?

LOOK!

 Hi
This is my sister and me while we were resting.


We had had a big show and we were tired
as hell.

The lights, the stamping and yelling
sometimes gives us an awful headache.

Then we just, you know, have to lie down
for awhile.

There were some funny things that happened
at the show tonite!

Well for one thing, the tent caught fire!

Really!

Vesta carried us out as fast as she could,
listening to the sounds of that audience
screaming was too much.

Also, a man offered us 10,000.00.

No, I will not say what for!

And don't ask my sister either.


Sometimes our neck hurts so bad!

We have a boy who comes in
to rub it.

We also do this trick a lot in the shows.

You like it?

 Oh I can't believe you have this picture!

We lived in that old stinker for 16 years before
Mr. Montgomery found us.

Sister whispers that he bought us, but I know that
Mama would never.

We were her angels.

 Yes, that was the sitting room!

Mama would rock us in that chair for hours,
sometimes.

I think I took this picture, or maybe it was
Sis.  On our first plane!  What an exciting
trip that was.  Never been anywhere before,
Never seen anything, DONE anything.

And now look at us.

Look!

*********************

Dystopia Rulz!

How machine like can you be?

maybe you have a part of your body replaced with some metal or plastic.




you take pills for nutrition and energy and health and sanity; they keep you from veering off course!





Do you:

A.  drive a motorcycle; your body is fused to a fast engine on two wheels.

B.   drive a car?   you are the brain of a heavy, outer mechanical shell.

C.   ride a bike - you are a part of a mass of gears and spokes and wheels.

D.   go on two legs?  you are primitive and genteel, weak exposed and clever as hell.

Do you talk through a box?  Do you breathe through a hose?  Do you see through lens'?











Is this what we wanted when we first saw we were made of cells?  Is this what we aspire to be?
We are not smart enough to know what we are and where we came from!  Sorry, but there are things as humans that we will NEVER figure out!

Will we know when we aren't human anymore?  Some of us might become 30%'ers, like that's how much human or machine you are.

While we wait you can hold my hand.
gently.

************************

About Them Whores

A SILLY POME
"you have a box that you carry wherever you go"










The whores went out to play today;

They danced around and knocked about

They drank stale liquid from a water spout.

A hoop, a stick, a bouncing bosom


made their fun

all that more amusin'.

When the moon began to come out

you finally knew what they were about.

OUT came the whiskey! The dice! The sin!

Oh you will never picture it.

Around the fire they did dance,

and call feral gods and yell and prance.

The morning next the whores awoke

to rip-ped panties and the smoke


of the fire of their hearts,

from which they were so early forced to part.

****************************

for C.W.!

What I Always Thought

1.  When the sun is at the right angle, you can see Air.  Those little bits of "dust" that dance in the sunlight?  That is actually Air.




2.  Television and Radio are unexplainable mysteries.




3.  I would be the one to go crazy.




4.  That that was Nancy Spungen who talked with us through the Ouija Board.  And told us to fuck off.

5.  That I will never donate my organs, especially when I'm dead.  How do you know what you see when you're dead.  Maybe your eyeballs being removed?!?  Please cremate me, quickly.



6.  Heaven is up and Hell is down.



7.  Cemeteries are cool.  And haunted.



8.  I was a temple dancer in a former life.




9.  We are doomed.



10.  There are two halves to my face that are mirrored in my personality.  One kind, one badass.  The left side, cynically raised eyebrow, pouty downturned mouth.  The right; a bright green eye, two beauty marks and a gentle, eternal conspiratorial smile.   They try to get along, but sometimes it doesn't work out too well.  

Oh Give Me A Break

Looking through the glass you can see the shadow of the stairs.

The glass of the hallway doors!

When the sun's just right I mean.

I keep thinking that the light coming through the doors is ACTUALLY the light of the afterlife.  Shining through.  Like if you walk through those doors, well, you know.  THERE YOU ARE.

I told Robbie about that, and she WANTED to go through, just to see what was on "the other side"!

Come on!

I stopped her.

I mean, we're supposed to be here right, we can't just voluntarily leave the earth.

Oh
I guess we can.

BUT STILL.

So I always admire the view of the afterlife I have in my apartment building's hallway, it's really pretty.  But I stay kind of far away, usually.  I only go out through those doors early in the morning or at night.  So when the sun's just right, no way.

Sometimes I honestly do not know what I  would find beyond those doors.  And the shadows of the stairs through the glass might be the shadows of OTHER stairs, if you know what I mean.  "Afterlife" stairs.  Heaven or Hell stairs. Purgatory? 9th circle? 1st???!!!
I don't want to take a chance.



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check out my website HOPELESS WEALTH  for more info on my theater project 
"The Deadliest Instruments"       

Have You Heard?

Say, have you heard the one about the girl in 303?

No not that one, the new one, the one who just moved in.

Oh I guess not huh?

Well I heard this from Billy so you never know it's reliable or not, seeing as he's such a drunk.

Ok ok, he's reformed or whatever, I still never know to believe him or not.

You want to hear this or not?



So yeah, the girl in 303,  Billy lives below her you know, in 203.  So last nite he heard a bunch of wierd stuff really late, furniture being moved, heavy footsteps, stuff like that.  And then he hears her yelling out the window and I'm not kidding it was something like, "I'm sick of all you fuckers! Leave me alone! Leave me alone!" blah blah blah.  So Billy sticks his head out the window and looks up and she's STANDING on the window ledge! Yeah, three stories up!  He can see her just BALANCING there, kind of swaying back and forth with her arms out to the sides.  Like she's gonna FLY.  He yells something at her, something like "Stop!" or "Don't jump!" and she looks down and sees him.  I guess she kind of smiles and she says "LOVE is killing me."  No kidding.  And then she jumps, goes right past him.  Kind of flying she's dropping so fast.   So of course he leans out the window and starts to shout "help!" but instead he just runs outside.  He gets out there and THERE'S NO BODY.  NO NOTHING.  But he saw her jump right?  Do you know what he did see?
A bird.  A dead bird.  A CROW.  Just lying there, dead.

Wierd huh?

Yeah her apartment's empty now, no one really knew where she went, left all her stuff behind tho.

What?

Oh yeah, he's drunker than ever after that, seeing a girl turn into a dead crow.  Poor guy.

There's enough craziness in this world.

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