Closing Comments

The hardest part is just to end it.

Letting go, are you kidding? I won't do it.  I can't!

You shrug me off, you beat me with a stick and here I am! Still here!

Clinging to your side like a demented starfish.

Pathetic.


Why can't parting be sweet and cordial, a
handshake, maybe a neutral hug.
A salute!

Sorry, no.
There's second guessing, there's tears, heartache, SOUL-ache.  Violence, EMOTION.
It's very messy.
Isn't there a better way?

I long for a time wherein I can take leave of people and things without a tear, without a thought!

I will make my heart as to a stone; I will fix my brain towards the future

Transitions will become effortless.  You will soon mean nothing to me!!

Does that mean I can't remember your laugh?               Right.
Your words, your neck, the way you loved me?           Yes, all of that, gone.

Our fort in the woods?            Gone.

That kite that you flew?         Gone.

fffffffewwwww.   it all blew away in a dandelion puff.

You.  Me.  Us.

Life will be so much easier now.  Lighter.  More.....bland.





I take it back, I want it back!

I don't like that alternative,
I'm not a robot!
I guess my heart, maybe yours too, was just created with pockets of pain.
I will choose Art to fill those spaces.

 I am the sum of all of us.
You existed for me, you were real.
You've kept me here, waited for me,
and yes,  left me.

And maybe memories are the consolation prize, flipping through a pack of many sweet memories.

 I really want something more than a big stuffed dog after all of this.

*******************************************

Thanks for reading ALL ABOUT US,
goodbye!


I'm working on my website:
HOPELESS WEALTH,  check it out


-Kirsten

she said

God he's a creep

she said

Oh yeah and that turns you on doesn't it?

What are you talking about?!

I just think that you must be out there lookin for wierdos...

You're  crazy!

I think it's true

You're craaayzee!

Well what

Why do you say that to me! They find me!
 I don't look for them.

Ok. Ok!

 ("can i have another one?")

("here")

( --ice tinkle-- "thanks hon")

Ok.  So you don't look for them, they look for you.  Whatever.
So.
What're you doing this weekend?

Goin out with Jay-son.

Oh god! He's the worst! Jason who works at that sex store right? That place on Aurora?  The Sears' of all sex stores?

Yeah so what.  He gave me a vibrator for my birthday.
An EXPENSIVE one.

SEE WHAT I MEAN!?

What?  You're just jealous.

Whatever!  I "dated"  Jason for 3 months, remember, I know all about him.

Oh that's right.
Well he's taking me to see Dokken at the Emerald Queen, so...

LUCKY!

I know, right?

("ok ladies, back to work.  Those Snuggies won't sell themselves")

We gotta go.  Down it!

I am.  Shut up!

(--ice against teeth--)

Let's go.

******************************************************

SECRETS

I WOKE UP TODAY AND REALIZED I HAD TO GET RID OF HIS DARN OLD BODY.

IN ANOTHER DAY OR SO HE'LL START TO SMELL, AND GOOD LORD I REALLY DO NOT WANT THAT!  NOT WITH MY NOSY NEIGHBORS.

THEY JUST LOOK FOR REASONS TO HATE ME.

IT MIGHT NOT HAVE HAPPENED IF HE HADN'T BROKEN MY FAVORITE LAMP OVER MY HEAD.

 BUT THEN AGAIN, IT MIGHT HAVE.

SOMETIMES I JUST GET SO ANGRY!!

MOTHER USED TO LOCK ME IN MY ROOM WHEN I WOULD GET LIKE THAT, LET ME DESTROY ALL MY THINGS INSTEAD OF THE FAMILY'S.

THINKING BACK, I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE JUST TAKEN THE MEDICATION.

AND HE SHOULDN'T HAVE HIT ME WITH THE DARN LAMP!!!
IT'S ALL BUSTED NOW,  SEE IT?
JUST LYING THERE.  I JUST LEFT IT.   DARN IT!

AND THERE HE IS, I WISH HE'D JUST WAKE UP AND LEAVE!

BUT INSTEAD I HAVE TO DIG A HOLE, DRAG HIM OUT UNDER THE COVER OF A MOON-LESS NIGHT,  BLAH BLAH BLAH, AND DUMP HIM IN.

I BET HE'S PRETTY HEAVY TOO.

I NEVER EVEN GOT TO MAKE HIM BREAKFAST, MY SPECIALTY!
FRENCH TOAST, BACON AND A FRIED EGG!

OH WELL.

I ALREADY KNEW WE DIDN'T HAVE COMPATIBLE SUN SIGNS.

IT NEVER WOULD HAVE WORKED OUT.

BUT HE HAD THE PRETTIEST EYES! HAS! HAD.

YOU MIGHT THINK IT'S KINDA STUPID TO HAVE KEPT HIM HERE THIS LONG, RIGHT?
ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING?
I CAN TELL HOW YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME.

BUT IT WAS KINDA NICE, IN A KOOKY SORTA WAY.

 SOME PRIVATE TIME FOR JUST HIM AND ME.

WE DIDN'T KNOW EACH OTHER VERY WELL YOU KNOW.

I TOLD HIM LOTS OF STUFF ABOUT MYSELF, PERSONAL STUFF.

WELL HE CAN'T TELL ANYONE!

AND DON'T WORRY, I DIDN'T TELL HIM ABOUT THAT.

OH WELL, GIVE ME THAT LIPSTICK WILL YOU?

I DON'T LIKE ANYONE TO SEE ME WITHOUT MY LIPSTICK.

********************************************************

Burning DNA

We used to walk up this road holding hands.

See how it ends at the woods up there?
Back there, that's where we used to have our bonfires.

He was always the drunk guy that would climb
up into the old treehouse
and then jump down and land REALLY CLOSE,
or in the fire.  He thought it was hilarious,
all ninja-like.





I have dreams about him;
I'm wandering through a haunted house
 looking for him.
I know he's there, but I can't find him.
Shit.  I hate those dreams.

Once I had a sad dream;

 we were in a beautiful garden,

and I was holding his hand and we were smiling and

I said    Let's go explore   and 

he let go and said     I can't, I'm dead.

They actually found him out there,
by the old fire spot and the old tree house.
I haven't been back there for years.
There's condos there now!
Maybe in the dirt under the foundations,
there is a fossilized boot print, or
some of his DNA on a flattened and burned beer can.
(does DNA burn?

The only proof left that he was ever here in the first place.

Except for that elusive spirit of my dreams.

a New Adventure! part 1

It was thursday and the gang was antsy.  
What haven't we done yet?  We've seen it all.
ho hum.
Yeah, life was starting to feel predictable and grey.
That's why when the Mystery of the Cave came up,everyone got really excited.
"Whaddya mean mystery?"


It turns out that you know that cave down by the river? Its kind of a hollow that the river carved in the clay bank.

                                                                                             Ok so it's not even a cave, its a hollow                                                     allright, call it a "hollow".  

Well the other day, a boat showed up there. 

 Stay with me.  A boat showed up there and there were some...things in it. 

 Strange random, antique-y kind of things.  Mrs. Jonesy stepped out of the  crowd first and tugged it up onto shore, trying to investigate it and almost broke her back doing it.  She started handling everything that was in that boat, kind of cringing while she did but still grabbing things almost like she had to.
The boat?  a painted rowboat, that's all.  Let me finish about Mrs. Jonesy!
So she was touching stuff like crazy, picking it up and throwing it down practically, leaning so far into the boat that we could barely see her as she dipped.  It was creeeepy.  Some of us kind of yelled out "stop" and "settle down Mrs." but no one stepped forward to help her.  No one wanted to touch her.  Finally her little boy ran out to her and got her away, sobbing.  She was sobbing and sobbing.
So we got a branch out of the forest and pushed the boat back over the bank into the "hollow".  Wanna see it? It's probably still there.

no one moved.
"scary stuff in a painted boat?"

end of part 1