To Tide You Over While I'm Gone

I'm in a love/hate relationship with Humanity in general.

Humanity has a love/hate relationship with Humanity.  

In general.

You are just not that easy to get along with.

For instance:

I hate you when I'm driving and you're driving and
you act really rude.
I also hate you when you drive a Lexus,
eat flax seeds or
when you break my heart.

But I love you when you're an artist,

when you bring me flowers or

when you save me.

When you're an artist and you create!

(like a god)

This, "relationship" takes work.  A lot of it.
YEARS and YEARS of work.
Daily I am disgusted and repulsed by
your manners and your habits, but
I still have to cook dinner every night!

How much yoga do you expect me to do!



So I do what I can, what I have to do to
get along
with Humanity.
We're kind of stuck with each other,
at least until we all become robots.
And you know what,  in the coming war
between the Humans and the robots,
I'm planning on fighting on the side
of the Humans.

What else can I say?
It's love.












please read all past posts, there will be a test when i return from AZ   -KMC

My little caged bird sings so sweetly for me.
He whistles while I sharpen my knives.
I keep him inside, sometimes his cage hangs in the sun.
The sun moves across the room, it is brightest at 3:05.

It falls across his cage.
He doesn't like the sun.
He prefers the shade.

I cover him at night, he doesn't need to see out into the dark anyway.
Bad things out there.

I found him in the forest, poked him with a stick.
I brought him home and locked him up.
I had the cage!
He likes it better here with me.  I know.
Sing for me! Sing! Sing!

Of places I'll never go.
Of those faces I'll never see.
So sweetly.
Ahhhhh.

I'll never let him go.


Thanks T.S. for the parakeet story

Night after Night

Night after night I sit here and watch her dance.

Sometimes the air gets so hot I can't breathe but I don't care.  I don't come down.
 Not anymore.

The girls, they come up and bring me whiskey.  Plenty of it.

There's my friend Lucky.  He always leans, even when he's drunk.

I can't stand the way some of these girl's are dressin'!

But I love to see her sitting and looking in the mirror.

To be invited up.....that is a big deal.  Means she likes you.

You could just bust in but.... I don't like to treat her that way.

Some nights I just prefer to watch.  From afar. Especially so she can't tell I'm watchin'.

If she knows you're interested, she'll take you for all you've got.

Stay back!  You want her to see me?

You dog!

 Well when I die, they'll be takin' me to the graveyard in Doc Sweeny's Black Moriah!

Believe it or don't.

I still feel a little funny having buried Old Chuck yesterday.

Was that his wife dancing tonight?

Lord, it's hot up here.

I won't go upstairs tonight.

Ever since that bad night/day and night with Apache May, I really haven't been the same.  

The same person I mean.

Who would be?

Christ.

I guess I feel better sleeping outside.

Good night.

Vacation?!

I've been standing around the corner from the bank for what seems like a very long time.  Staring but trying to look like I'm supposed to be there.  When you're standing still concentrating on a target, all your eye-seeingness devoted to that one thing, well...you might not notice what's going on around you.  Like people  glancing at me in a funny way, looking really fast and then away.  I  am getting really freaked out.

Right.
Settle down.
Be Zen.

dumb dumb dumb!
no! no!
come on you idiot!

I could just turn and go.  I could.
But I want that thrill.  I do.



So....I have the gun.  My ex-husbands'.   I have the nylon, you know to put over my head.  I think that'll work,  I remember seeing robbers in the movies when I was kid and they wore nylons.  Scared me actually.  Got it in my pocket.
WHERE IS IT? SHIT.  Oh, here it is in my pants pocket.  Hands are sweaty.

Have a cigarette.  Do something, stop looking so obvious, god! You look stupid, you really do, try acting like you're just...waiting for something.  Not drugs.  For...a ride or whatever.

I don't think this will work.  I really don't.  I mean, they have alarms and things, I don't know what really, Dogs?? I'm going into this blind, I know that, that's the point actually.  It's not desperation.  Well maybe it is.  It's more like reaching out, seeing how far I can go.  What  can I actually get away with?  I don't have a record, I won't do that much time.  I'll use my looks as a commodity in prison. 

 See I got it thought out!  I'll be in the news for a bit, nobody robs banks anymore.  And maybe later I can write my life story! Ta da, it's almost like Chicago, the musical.

Bob Fosse himself might dance out right about...now.

There's people coming in and out. Kind of a steady stream of people.  Mostly working class type folk.

I don't even know how much money is in there;  that will be very cool if I don't get caught!

How do you find yourself in this position? By doing everything early and often; by not having ties to this ball of dirt we're all clinging so foolishly to.
 So I find myself here, basically throwing myself into the chaos of the universe!  Or maybe I'm  a sacrifice to the media gods, they are ever hungry.

 For instance, when they print that shadowy picture of me, (and hopefully I'll be in Paris by then)on the internet and in newspapers,  millions of eyes will pour over every inch of me and wonder Why? Why? 

 Don't try to understand, I'll whisper psychically to a chosen few, just enjoy the story.

So I've got to do this thing.  My heart is beating so hard.
Ok, maybe i need to count to 10 and just....1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10

Sometimes starting is the hardest part.

A New Adventure part 2

The gang didn't get going until it was almost dark.
There were a lot of accusations and some heated yelling too.  Past mystery investigations hadn't really worked out, exposing the gang as charlatans with hair trigger tempers.

Finally everyone voted to go look at  "the boat with
the scary stuff in it."  No one knew if we'd
ever come back.   But we decided that if we were
ever going to have a chance to solve a mystery this cool that this boat thing, even though it could end in lameness and hurt feelings, could very well be it.

Our luck was with us, the moon was so full
and close we could see the river a long time
before it could see us.
The best part out of coming out of the woods is
trying to surprise the river! Jamie did it once...






The noise of us! We hoped that if there were
frightened spirits hovering around the boat
that we wouldn't scare them away.

You never can tell.

Finally, we saw the gnarled tree that was the
landmark of the boat - place.

Nothing in the place looked weird, but for some reason the very air had a strange "tinge"   to it.  We
talked about the weird way Mrs. Jonesy had
become after touching the boat.  If you just looked would it happen too?  Some of us heard she also wet her pants and hasn't stopped crying since.
 We all started feeling very sad and kind of wanted
to rather be home in bed than out here in the
moon-drenched dark with the stupid ghosts.

What the heck?




"But look!"  someone in the front cried out.
"It's the Boat"

 we all breathed:           "ahhhhhh"




Some of us were hanging over the bank looking down, some of us climbed down the crumbly bank to wade in the cold water just to be near  and to peer close up into it's mysteries.  Me first!

What did it all mean? it just didn't make sense.  We started getting angry; what a stupid rip-off thing this boat was after all.
We began to abuse the boat.  We hit it with sticks.  We threw mud onto the artifacts.  We spit on it.  Kicked it.  Hurled the filthiest words we ever knew.
And the boat sank, under the weight of our hatred and disappointment.  Those of us in the water got out fast.

 We all stood looking down into the water;
seeing the boat barely visible, the spindly trees
and the scuttering clouds and the moon,
 all reflected.  No one spoke.  We just watched.  We observed the passage of time.  We realized the  futility of all our future endeavors.
We encountered the End that must come to everyone.  And as we looked we sensed the power of  unspoken words, the power of being humans together.

After what seemed like years in geologic time, someone just got up and walked away.  Then another and another.



Finally we all left.
 No one really wanted to be the last one in that place with that boat submerged down below.

Was the mystery solved that night?
For us it has only deepened.

The end.

a New Adventure! part 1

It was thursday and the gang was antsy.  
What haven't we done yet?  We've seen it all.
ho hum.
Yeah, life was starting to feel predictable and grey.
That's why when the Mystery of the Cave came up,everyone got really excited.
"Whaddya mean mystery?"


It turns out that you know that cave down by the river? Its kind of a hollow that the river carved in the clay bank.

                                                                                             Ok so it's not even a cave, its a hollow                                                     allright, call it a "hollow".  

Well the other day, a boat showed up there. 

 Stay with me.  A boat showed up there and there were some...things in it. 

 Strange random, antique-y kind of things.  Mrs. Jonesy stepped out of the  crowd first and tugged it up onto shore, trying to investigate it and almost broke her back doing it.  She started handling everything that was in that boat, kind of cringing while she did but still grabbing things almost like she had to.
The boat?  a painted rowboat, that's all.  Let me finish about Mrs. Jonesy!
So she was touching stuff like crazy, picking it up and throwing it down practically, leaning so far into the boat that we could barely see her as she dipped.  It was creeeepy.  Some of us kind of yelled out "stop" and "settle down Mrs." but no one stepped forward to help her.  No one wanted to touch her.  Finally her little boy ran out to her and got her away, sobbing.  She was sobbing and sobbing.
So we got a branch out of the forest and pushed the boat back over the bank into the "hollow".  Wanna see it? It's probably still there.

no one moved.
"scary stuff in a painted boat?"

end of part 1

the Party

It all started in the usual way - alcohol, cigarettes, friends.  Gathering friends, hanging out.
      "I'm gonna get Fucked Up!"

And here are the drugs.  The last inhibitions float away, the party reaches for new heights. Oh, how much fun can we have?!









Experimentation.  Excess.  Ecstasy.

Invisibly the tone changes.  The friendliness dissipates into clouds of smelly, intoxicating smoke.


     "What do they want from me?"









Ensnare.  Excitable.  Evoke.

                                 The pitch climbs ever upward. 

 To heights seen and unseen.

  Acknowledgement is futile, how 

could you ever stop this train.  

Who has the straw/bill/pipe/light/etc.?  

  Personalities dissolve, faceless fun.

"Who are you again? Altho I don't really care! 

I just wanted to.."

Encircle.  Explosion.  Eruption.

Things happen so fast, sometimes you don't realize until it's over that something out of the ordinary has actually occurred.  No one intended it to happen.  That's not the point!  

Now we'll remember it with a hazy horror for the rest of our lives.

Eyeless.  Elusive.   Endless.




*thanks to Timmi Mikkel Harrop for the inspiration for "the Party" and for the "murder" pictures

the Haunted House

Today the sun came out so they

 decided to go and check out that haunted house.

It sat on the top of the hill overlooking the rest of the neighborhood with a grim mediocrity.

(They didn't actually know if it was haunted,  but it did have a sinister aspect, in the right light.)

The neighborhood seemed emptier than usual.  Were there people in all these houses huddled down watching through the windows?





As they trudged up the hill,  a piece of trash took on a more desperate meaning.  

Not all haunted houses are ornate victorians. 

 Sometimes the ghosts are of a more modern

 type.They prefer to live in a split level with

 vinyl siding.

As they approached the house, they tried to sense a ghostly presence in the air.

They remembered the glass trunk that used to sit 

on the porch, lately taken by a nameless neighborhood thief.

They berated each other for not absconding with

the treasure themselves.

They tried looking through a window, 

but the grime was too thick.There were boards

 covering the windows on the side, maybe pry one off?...

What if there's someone inside?

                No...

No but what if? They might be in there,

 like the type of person that doesn't ever 

leave the house and is like...

No...do you think? But I've never seen 

anyone leave.

I know.  That's what I mean.   

What if I look in and all of sudden there's a face looking back?

Soon the clouds came back and the seniors

 started filing down the hill.  Bingo must be over. 

It was time to go--

Behold Ladies & Gentlemen!


the Circle.





Quite possibly our most potent and oft
encountered symbol, the circle is found
everywhere, created by us but also magically
appearing out there on it's own in the big bad world.
 We live in the center of this symbol
and also cling to its edges.

It is the beginning and the end without a beginning or an end.   It is the past, the present and the future occurring  simultaneously.  It is everything that has happened to you and everything that will happen to you.  Looking through it you can see farther and into other worlds.

We live in the seasons; 

they always change and then come around again. 

 It's almost spring again!

Our days turns into nights, into days, into nights..

Oh look it's

sundaymondaytuesdaywednesdaythursdayfridaysaturdaysunday

 again......

I just noticed it's 7:50 just like it was last night, just like it was this morning!  This is a meaningful
realization...







And since this circle never goes away, never breaks apart, can we assume that our cycles are all still here, happening over and over again?