Tuesday, March 27, 2012

New! The Electric Boyfriend

The other day Brinna and MaryAnne went shopping for mechanical boyfriends.  A LOT of new models had just come in to that fancy store down on the corner, and they'd been hearing about it from EVERYONE, how great it was and how NICE they were to you.

As Brinna and MaryAnne walked down the street they speculated on the choices they might find available to them.

"Dark hair," Brinna said.

"Do they have hair?" MaryAnne asked.  "I might like one with a real shiny head."

"Ugh, not me," Brinna laid down the law.  "He's got to have dark hair, have tattoos, and speak Italian."

"Whoa, you're kind of specific aren't you. I wonder what their skin feels like, " she shivered.

"Like skin.  Well yeah, I mean I heard that you can choose all the shit you want,  the looks, the personality.  AND the store will do this thing like they match your "boyfriend"  up to your....nervous system or something so you're totally like this-"  she held up two fingers and ferociously intertwined them.

"That's cool,"  MaryAnne said.

They reached the front door and it was done in gold and pearls, with tallllllll columns of marble.

"OOOOoooooooooohhhhhh,"  the girls said looking up and up and up.

MaryAnne grabbed Brinna's arm.

"What if I buy him and it ends up  I don't like him?  What if I get sick of him and can't make him leave?"

Brinna was confident.

"You might have to pay a little bit extra, but you can buy a guarantee or something so you can bring him back if you don't like him anymore.  And they....melt em down or whatever.  Most people who've been here,"  she leaned closer, smelling each other's gum breath, "but they say with this nervous system hook up thing you'll never want another."

The friends pushed open the door.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Personality Test #1

Which Gourd do you prefer?
Your choice will define your personality.
And give you clues as to your future, your past and...

Gourd #1  
gently swinging dark Gourd

A person choosing this Gourd is introverted, artistic
and prone to attacks of conscience.
They prefer to see what is in front of them rather than
what hides in the shadows.

Gourd #2
Far-swinging Gourd with shadow

A person choosing this Gourd is excitable and
interested in the darkest corners of the world.
They prefer to see the shapes of things rather than
the actual object.

Gourd #3
Brightly lit, static Gourd

A person choosing this Gourd is most likely
completely caught up in the here and now.
They concentrate on the most brightly lit
objects in their life and ignore the darkness 
that is always beyond.

"Gourd Personality Test" is brought to you by Go-Away Industries, and should be considered a novelty only, except in cases where it has clearly depicted accurate responses as if it is really channeling knowledge from some place beyond our thought and reason.  Please use "Gourd Personality Test" responsibly, the creators are in no way responsible for false predictions or drastic life changes resulting from the Gourd's eerie pronouncements.


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Bitch Am Own My I part two

Oh my god what are you doing now?

Eating.  Staring out the window.


I'm hungry god get off my back hag mobile.

Well you could be eating while you're doing something else. 
 Don't you have to write? Send off plays?
Make some money? Look for a job?  Well you should you should you should.

Right! So why don't you go do something?

I wish I could, but sadly I am imprisoned in your brain Kirsten.  I'm the one held captive while you sit here eating all of those Doritos.  What's out there anyway?

Why do you think you're so much better than me? You're like a Diva or a frustrated aging celebrity or something.  Can't I just sit and stare sometimes?  You are obsessed with time.

You're right.  I just want to do things with our life, I don't want to waste a minute I want to MAKE THINGS HAPPEN!!! now.

Well listen Bitch, I'm going to sit and eat and relax and maybe even read a book, and in a little while,  when I'm done, I'll do stuff OK?


Well, (sigh) I guess you should eat.

And now what're you doing?!

I'm writing this down.


Tuesday, March 20, 2012


Oh, you think you know me, don't you.

Why are you sitting so close?

Go sit over there.
This is getting a little too personal.

Don't you think?

Come here.....

Stop that!

Ok, go ahead.


Oh god, I'm just kidding, go ahead.



Really, I'm just doing it to watch you squirm.  So I can lure you in the door and then slam it.  Hard.  Guess what? There's no knob on the inside.  No windows.  No one else but you....and me.
 How ever will you get out?

Come here.

No, closer.

No, closer.

That's it.

Thaaaaaaaat's it.

So you think you know me, don't you?

painting by Bob Jones

Sunday, March 18, 2012

I Swore I wouldn't

                                                get on this machine tonite.
But it's magnetic pull is too much for me.
I have to have it.

Things are so easy when I'm staring at you, you're always there for me.

(Unless what if the power went out like what about the apocalypse the whole 12/12/12 thing and there's no more electricity anymore? Will you die?)

Take for instance,  the other pesky humans in my life.
They're all so complicated and emotional and human.

When I'm with you, it's different.  Simpler.
Yes, you computer and my cigarettes, you love me don't you.

(and this is how it begins, how it already is, we love our machines we adore them and interact with them constantly throughout the day - what will you really do if you didn't have that little buddy, make a fucking sundial??? Stare at the sky?)

I might even take you into my bed tonite.  Prop you up on a little pillow.  You

entrance me.


Sunday, March 11, 2012

TEEN SLUTS Debriefing


The original TEEN SLUTS was a 'zine I put together in the early 00's.  I cut and pasted notes I had kept from boys and girls and grouped them together under the headings SEX DRUGS and DEATH.  For this TEEN SLUT series I used a different set of notes that I had typed up a few years ago.  I don't remember what my original intent was for those typed up notes! What a lot of work.
The TEEN SLUT 'zine reproduced the notes in their original handwriting.  For the TS blog I used different fonts for different speakers.
The voices of these kids really come through in their writing.  They might have similar agendas but their tactics are so different and specific to that person.  I think the professions of undying love at 14 years old is interesting in hind-sight; no wonder I'm such a romantic now!  And a cynic.
In the suburbia where I grew up in the 80's there was not much for teenagers to do.  Video games (atari) were new and exciting, so was cable t.v.  There were the empty school playgrounds to ride your bikes in.  And there were the woods to wander in, get drunk in.
I hope that my T.S. compilations don't come across as exploitative of these lost boys;  I have been the keeper of these notes for 30 years!  They have always resided in a strange brown box that I remember from childhood.   It used to hold crayons and pens.  There is old, old gum under the handle.  There is it's ugly color.   Camouflage duct tape.  But it's hideousness belies it's precious contents that I am now sharing and casting to the wind.

Love Always,


Dear  -------

Hi! How are you? Me bored.  Carrie told me that you broke up with your boyfriend when you got home.  Will I had a good time when you were here, (----------- I miss you) I wish I didn't get Drunk that last night.  But I would like to thank you for helping Mike and I.  Special helping me walk back.  Mike said Hi but he told to fuck off when I went to give him a hug.  He also said thanks for helping him.  I'm goin to be in Bremerton Sept. 8th for my sisters wedding.
If I go through Mountlake Terr. I will call you then.  Will I'm going to go.


Boy you have a sexy body.
Call me when you get home
I WISH!!!!
You do can I sexual abuse you.
Or fuck you
Will you go swimming tonight at 9:00?
And will you get drunk with me sometime?


What you find beyond these words may be fastinating, wonderful, sorrowful, crazy, weird, dumb, & loving
I'm really sorry for making you that mad.  
So, I guess we break up when you leave (since you will be leaving first.) God, I wish we wouldn't but I guess your right.  Would it be all right if we had some fun together.  Well - I'd have to think about that I might feel like I was using you, I almost started cryin' when you told me that, see what love can do to you.  Well tell me anyways.  Do you think we could find some way to stay together & just be able to go out with other people? While were gone of course.  We might be using each other but maybe we wouldn't mind as much since we were both doin' it.
This is soooooooooooooooooooooooo Frustrating just thinking of this.  ----------, I love you.  I wish I could cry now, but I'm too inhuman I guess   In more ways than one HaHaHaHa  If we still feel the same way by the end of thee summer can we get back together? Please!!!  Tell me if you'd like to.  Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!(that's loud) I just don't know what to do anymore.  This whole Goddamn mess is my fault, and I know it.  This was the dumb, sorrowful, weird, & loving part of the note.  Please don't get down, cause I can't take it.  Now for the fastinating, wonderful crazy part, I get to go to a football camp & play rough with the big guys, sounds like fun.  You should come & "play" HaHaHaHa just kidding with me.
Shit now I've started "humaning" again.  If you know what I mean. 

P.S. I don't know if you could even give shit for me anymore but I love you.

Love you,



Can I have a giant hug and a long passionate kiss? I need it bad.  I feel like I'm going to cry,  Nothings gone write for me yet today.  My Back is aching so bad my right ankle feels like the achelies tendon has been ripped out and the other one that was already sprained feels a little weak.  I love you soooo much.  I want to come over tonight ok, or you come over to my house I don't thin I've got any homework (yet.) I just want to leave and go cry myself to sleep someplace.  I 'd like your bed more than anything.  My ankle hurts.  Bad.  Well I guess I'll be off.  See you.


Saturday, March 10, 2012


               December 2nd

High! Hows life? Mine is pretty shitty.  I'm in S. Studies and the teacher is a mass fucking bitch all she fucking does is yell at us so this time I didn't put up with it and I yelled back.  I hate her she is a big fat tuna.
She is such a bitch.  I'm sorry I'm swearing so much but it's necessary.  How come earlier when I tried to kiss you, you backed away? I'll be sure not to do that again.  Okay.
What are we gonna do this weekend? Well I better go now cause I have to write up a patition to try to get this bitch fired.
Love ya lots


                    March 12
High! How come you were so upset before sixth? Is it because of me? If it is please forgive me for whatever I have done cause I love you and I hate to see you the way you were before sixth.  I mean this I have never cared more for anyone than I care for you, and you say you care the same or you think you feel the same, if I've done something to upset you tell me what its is & please find it in your heart to forgive.  I loe you & don't you ever forget that not even after we breakup cause I love you to much to stop loving you even if everything is over between us and I hope its not.
Love ya a lot
And always


High!! Are you? You better not be or I'll kick your nice skinny ass.  Wasn't that movie gross in Health? I thought it was very discusting.  Do you promise that you don't have Anerexia Nervosis. (HaHa) I love you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much that I can't believe it.  I have to go now I need to take a test.  Be back soon.
OTAY I'm back and better than ever.
Is it otay wiff (with) Carrie (however the fuck you spell it) if I go on Saturday or when ever you go look for a dress? I  hope so cause I wanna pick out something really radical.  OTAY SAY BUTTWHEAT.  Well I ota be going now we're fixin to be ready to correct our dagblum test oh shotski I frucked up.  This teacher is a  dagbblum fool she's a reel yank. (yankee)  she circle jerk her hounddogy.  Well I'm gonna be ramblin' now.  Oh HOLD ON A MINUTE I ALMOST FORGOT TO SAY I LOVE YOU more than dagblum pizza more than dagblum pizza hotdogs.  Sounds yummy huh!
Jethro  (------)

My favorite song is 2112 (twenty one twelve) from Rush it's has a lot of good sound effects and I also like the song you like, the one about me with my magic hands. HaHaHa
Yes I would like a xmas present and it's exactly what you were thinking that I was thinking.  
It was hard living without you while I was in Portland I didn't geel good for a day and I got a cold which I still have.
I saw my bodyguard and I thought it was pretty good.  But I want to see the blues brothers again they were funny I liked it when they went to see that none and when they went to the church those parts were really funny.
Well I think I am going to go try calling you on the telephone so bye for now.


Dear Sis, Thanx for writing so soon! I was just waiting to hear from you or Robin! How's life been treating you! Life's been treating me pretty good but it is sorta boring no night life at all!
I got a great idea instead of running knives up & down your arms write me o.k. Jesus Crist if I hear you did that again I will personally come down there and kick your butt, so tell me your problems do not take it out on your self or the poor HaHa knife!! If you died I don't know what I would do!!
I told Robin this also, that you guys are sposed to ask your parents if they want to trade you two for my two bothers! I WISH!!!! We would all have a blast! etc. etc.
You don't have to send a picture to have me falling love with you cause I am already in love with you and I have been for a long time, (how embarrassing) but send me one anyway.  I'll send you a sexy picture when I get one o.k.  Not much more to say except keep in touch sis, and tell me your new lineup (boyfriends) so you can get my blessing HaHa  BROTHER KNOWS BEST
Love Always,
Your bro

P.S. I sorta have a girlfriend, well what I mean is we went to the movies yesterday (we saw E.T. with Donny and his sorta girlfriend! We don't do much, hold hands and she put her head on my shoulder, WOW! Keep puttin' ALWAYS on your letters.  I do because I still care very very much about you.


Dear ------,

This is going to be real short & to the point, ok? I haven't gotten Ray's letter yet so would you please tell me why I'm in real big trouble.  I have a sneaky suspision I know what it is.  I sent Robin 2 pictures because the 1st one was real blurry & also because she gave me one! I didn't send you a valentine because I hadn't hear from you in about 3 weeks so I though you stopped writin' me.
You did sound kinda jealous in the letters but you I know you weren't!
I don't know how to explain this! Well I did mean most the stuff I wrote in the letters but well I guess I just love you like a sister more than a girlfriend.  Well is that o.k.? I do love you but not like a girlfriend (I heard that somewhere before) I'm not sure if you will ever forgive me for hurting you, that is the last thing I wanted to do I would never try to hurt you!!!! I do care for you very much!
I will understand if you don't want to write any more...Please be patient with the return of my letters but I always am swamped with homework or I am working at my parents store so it is hard to make time but I write as soon as I get the chance, sorry
                                             Love you sis,

I have more people to
write than you (I think)
                                                 ----------  ---------------

P.S.  Happy Easter! I hope the Easter bunny brings you what you want, but hauling a corvette in a easter basket is kinda hard,...oh well

P.P.S  I didn't mean to hurt you all I can say is I'm Sorry

Thursday, March 8, 2012


Rock YOU like a Hurricane!
----------Hi sorry it took me so long to write back but that's life! Wow! The reason that I didn't write back because you, my darling didn't say one, fucking thing to me all day! Now may I ask why was it something I said! I know you think that I'm weird (weird) but I'm not...(I never could spell) I can't get over it if you even liked me like you said you did, you would of at least came up to say Hi but no.  I try to get you and you split.  Are you moody toward me, or what? I get really down now days! Things aren't going my way.  You and Jeff are even closer and I don't know if I can handle it anymore, I don't care how you, put but I'm always thinking about you.  (All I have to do--oh never


WRITE BACK                                     LOVE

--------       March 12
High! How come you were so upset before sixth? I it because of me? If it is please forgive me for whatever I have done cause I love you and I hate to see you the way you were before sixth.  I mean this I have never cared f more for anyone than I care for you, and you say you care the same or you think you feel the same, if I've done something to upset you tell me what its is & please find it in your heart to forgive .  I  love you & don't you every forget that not even after we breakup cause I love you to much to stop loveing you even if everything is over between us and I hope its not.  Well I hope you forgive me for whatever I've done cause I hate when you mad at me or upset with me or anyone else.
Love ya lot
And always


----, Why are you mad at me? And don't tell me your not, cause I can tell you are by the you ignore me and give me dirty looks.  Have I been a bitch to or something tell me please 'cause I still like you!

I'm not mad at you.  I don't bother you anymore cause I thought you didn't like it.  You haven't been a Bitch or shit like that.  If you want me to fuck up your hair I guess I will.  Are you going to the skateing party? I don't know if I am.  I'm on restriction for two fucking whole weeks cause I egged my bus drivers house a couple times over the weekend and someone knarked on me.  Are you going to the Judist Priest concert, I am! It's going to be awesome! I'm not pissed at you though.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


High thanks to you I can finally write this note.  I've been waiting for you to say you broke up with your old boyfriend.  It's kinda hard to say, but I guess you can already tell what I'm going to say.  I know we don't see each other much, and I haven't known you a long time.  But I really like you.  
I've wasted enough time, so I'll come right out and say it.  I'll want to know if you'd go with me.  I like you an awful lot.  I'm not kidding.  Please say YES!
Yours, (hopefully)


P.S. I'm not doing this because of the chain letter I am serious about what I said.  Again, Yours (hopefully)

Hi again.  I'm really glad you said yes.  I really enjoy having a girlfriend like you.  Someone who's not stuck up like a lot of girls in the school.   But someone who's kind, considerate, nice to be around , and also beautiful.  I have a more positive attitude about things.  I'm sitting on my bed right now listening to K.J.R.'s American top 40 coenside.  I turned it on right as I started writing to you.  Right as I started thinking about you they started playing the number 1 song.  Which is almost what I think about you.  The number one girl in America.  
I want to ask you something first.  Christmas vacation is coming up soon and I was wondering if you want to go to a movie with me at Aurora Village.  I could walk down to your house and we could take a bus out there.  I guess you could consider it our first date.  Write back soon,
                                                         I Love Ya


High! Why was Robin asking me if I love you? When I asked her why she wanted to know, she said no special reason.  Then I asked her if she wanted to know for her own reasons? She said no.  But a few seconds later, I asked why she wanted to know again.  Then she said, "Cause I want to know" I just want to know what's going on.  If you don't want to tell me that's all right.  But if you don't mind filling me in a little.  If you're going to fill me in give a note to Robin and tell her to give it to me in 5th



High, All I can say is I did my best.  I want to thank you for not going around blabbing all about me asking you to go with me, making fun of me, avoiding me, and not saying when you really didn't mean it.  And a lot of other littler things like that.  Bye now,----------

P.S. Maybe it'll work out between us some other time.

P.P.S.  My offer for a movie or possibly even skating still holds.  You don't need to consider this our first date (ha ha)


So you have Mr. white too I do.  You want me to write a long one and you write me a short one.  Do you want me to come and get you if not that's cool.  I want to get wasted in the woods  so nobody can catch us getting wasted.  I get real nervous, when I start to get drunk or stoned I am get scared the cops are going to find me if they do I am up shit creek from my dad.
Got to study for a test soon but I'll write a little more its pretty sloppy right.  I am writing as fast as  I can.  And as long as possible.  My Dan and mom went out last night and came home totally drunk.  Well write back

You don't want to break up, do you?
Tell the truth

No, I Don't, Do you? (You tell the truth)

Not if you don't                                   Does that mean you would want to if I did.

Well if you wanted to, and I knew I couldn't change your mind about it, what could I say?

That makes some sense, why did you bring it up.  Have I been ignoring you lately? Some times I feel like I am

I don't know                           Like when?

Because last night on the phone you acted mad at me - were you 'cause you said you weren't but

                                               I don't know, sometimes I just feel like i am.
I finished my math, yeah
I wasn't mad at you at all, I was full & tired, but mostly full.  I never finished the rest of that piece of pie & I still felt sorta full when I got up this mornin', I think I ate too much.  Sorry if I sounded mad, I didn't mean to.  Even if I did get mad at you I wouldn't want to break up, probably.
Love you

----------(is this how you spell your name?)
You better watch out now, I think Larry's going to try His hardest to get you to like him.  He use to think that you like him but their was an obstacle in the way (Jeff) and then Larry thought you and Greg were getting back together.  So 
Larry was jealous.  Larry's always asking me if he should talk to you more and everytime we go somewhere Larry wants to call you up to see if you would like to go with us.  Do you like him more than a friend? If you say yes can I tell him.  Or were you just kidding?
Greg told me you play the guitar pretty good probably better than him.  Do you have an amp that m and Greg can use.  Because he going to try and show me how to play.  He said he can get a guitar but he needs an amp.  Well I have to go I'm in English and have a paragraph due and the end of class.
Love Always
You better write back or I'll have to hurt you.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012


Howdy.  My mom is pissed at everyone so we're all kind of quiet so I'm writing.  About your shoplifting, if you just don't think about it you probably won't get started but I know that's hard so just ask yourself why you're doing it and ask yourself if your really that kind of person.  Because I know your not, you're an interesting girl with ambitions.
Now about everything that going together wouldn't work,.  When I said that a big reason was because of the stuff that me and Ryan do to Rachelle.  I worded it wrong.  I made it sound like I'm just keeping you around for kids and that's not true.  Going together would just change everything so much.
Sometimes I ask myself why I haven't asked you but I know that we'd be miserable.  Everything is expected of  you when your going together like holding hands, kissing, whatever instead of being natural like it is.  I like you enough to go with you because I get jealous sometimes, I might even love you.  I thought I did a while, but I'm sure now.  Let's keep things the way they are, o.k.?
See ya later

How are you.  I promise I won't touch you again unless you say I can.  HaHa  Are you and Greg going to get back together? Are you going to the dance Thursday? I don't know why I am writing I guess to say sorry for all the times I scared you.  What's your phone # if you want to give it to me. Write back if you want  Bye  Later
See ya around

No I am not some heavy druggie but I do it sometimes I love getting drunk.  I know you aren't stupid, straight I am not sure if you're straight or not.  What I mean is that you could do anything with me that you wanted, and if they didn't get a goal I could do anything with you.  But they got two goals so it's your choice.  Sounds like fun.  I just can't control myself around you.  (HaHa) I have Social Studies now.  You didn't answer my question if you and Greg are getting back together.  They said you can wear your school clothes to the dance, if you wanted to
I have the sloppiest handwriting 
Talk to you later
P.S.  Do you want to go out and get wasted the night of the dance.  I probably can something to get us wasted

When can we have passionet love together  if you don't like my hands just say so okay  I don't want you to get mad at me.  Its just that I like a little more than kissing not much more   just a little something else  O.K.

High Hows life going for you? It's going okay for me I guess but it could be better.  This weekend was so boring up until yesterday.  I was pissed when we couldn't find you.  So are you and Robin going to get waisted after school.  I would come over but probably wouldn't want me to.  I'm just kidding I can't come over because I have to do my work now.
Love ya

Jan 13 (Friday)
Hi! How are you now?
I'm really sorry I was laughing at you earlier.  I guess your right I don't understand.  He is such a dick.  Before when you went to the movies with him, he said he din't know we were going together, but he knew yesterday and he is a fucking dick.  Well enough with hin let's talk about us.  Do you still want to go with me? You etter cause I still want to go with you.  Rodney said he wants to kick Shawn's ass! Well I gotta go cause I have to analyze a fucking storie called treasure land   it sucks.
Love ya lots

(TEEN SLUTS is a collection of selections of notes I have kept since the 1980's when I was in middle school and high school.  I tried to preserve some of the original spelling and formatting. )

Sunday, March 4, 2012

satur-day night

Does the neighborhood look different to you at night?

 After the sun goes down, familiar things take on indistinct shapes and new unthought of narratives.

Maybe you don't belong in the coming dark.
Or maybe you do.
Humans are meant to curl up in the dark, in their nests; not stroll the night with their puny defenses and weak eyesight!

Everything is still, stiiiiiiiillllllll.

Only the angels seem to be out frolicking.

But even they keep their distance.

The shadows seem to keep their own counsel, referencing arcane directions.

Who's watching you? The trees?
Are they malevolent? Kind?

It's the ghosts that keep so close.


Friday, March 2, 2012


Whew, this hill is getting really steep.

I mean, I'm getting really out of breath!


I feel kind of sick, my head hurts.

Can we rest?


There's a rock right here.

Right here, I'm sitting down I don't care.

I mean it doesn't have to be a race does it?

Do we have a deadline or something?

Oh, I get it.  That was kind of funny.

But I'm not going to spend the REST OF MY LIFE climbing this hill, will I? I'm never going to get there, anywhere who cares anyway?


Well smarty,  maybe I'll just stay here by this rock and that ugly tree and the....whatever that is. I'm tired of traveling! I've been moving all my life! I know, I'll build a hut! I'll make a garden! I'll set up shop right here! THIS WILL BE MY HOME

(but there's that wierd wet spot and it's chilly, really getting cold and kind of...smelly..it's too bright and my eyes hurt and my ass and.do you really want to stay in this place this is not your home keep going you can do it)

But I don't want to! I feel bad enough right now, maybe if I stop I'll feel better.  I can't do it anymore.


Do you think there's a view from up there?

Will it be beautiful? Will it make me happy?

Say something!


Let's go.

Silent Movie