Those Scissors

*****************************

she hovered, yes hovered in the yellow light that filtered through the window.

it might the last warmth she would feel for a long time.

the spring had been so cold, so grey so long.

but this heat, this little patch of sunlight was GLORIOUS!

he was sleeping on the bed, wrapped snugly in a nest of blankets.

his knees, pulled up to his chest she supposed, formed strange sloping hills under the covers.

she had the scissors in her hand.

they were long, steel, sharp.

to leave this patch of sun! it was very hard to do.  

yet so very necessary.

his hair fanned limply on the pillow, a greasy tangle of former glory.  

(how fine it would look swirling down the toilet!)

and then she began to move.

step.  step.  step.  step.

he opened an eye creakily and looked up at her.  

she imagined plunging the scissors into his heart.

i love you, he said sighing, settling into his nest in a soft bunny rabbit kind of way.

i love you too, she said, and then she raised her hand.

******************************************************************

she said

God he's a creep

she said

Oh yeah and that turns you on doesn't it?

What are you talking about?!

I just think that you must be out there lookin for wierdos...

You're  crazy!

I think it's true

You're craaayzee!

Well what

Why do you say that to me! They find me!
 I don't look for them.

Ok. Ok!

 ("can i have another one?")

("here")

( --ice tinkle-- "thanks hon")

Ok.  So you don't look for them, they look for you.  Whatever.
So.
What're you doing this weekend?

Goin out with Jay-son.

Oh god! He's the worst! Jason who works at that sex store right? That place on Aurora?  The Sears' of all sex stores?

Yeah so what.  He gave me a vibrator for my birthday.
An EXPENSIVE one.

SEE WHAT I MEAN!?

What?  You're just jealous.

Whatever!  I "dated"  Jason for 3 months, remember, I know all about him.

Oh that's right.
Well he's taking me to see Dokken at the Emerald Queen, so...

LUCKY!

I know, right?

("ok ladies, back to work.  Those Snuggies won't sell themselves")

We gotta go.  Down it!

I am.  Shut up!

(--ice against teeth--)

Let's go.

******************************************************

SECRETS

I WOKE UP TODAY AND REALIZED I HAD TO GET RID OF HIS DARN OLD BODY.

IN ANOTHER DAY OR SO HE'LL START TO SMELL, AND GOOD LORD I REALLY DO NOT WANT THAT!  NOT WITH MY NOSY NEIGHBORS.

THEY JUST LOOK FOR REASONS TO HATE ME.

IT MIGHT NOT HAVE HAPPENED IF HE HADN'T BROKEN MY FAVORITE LAMP OVER MY HEAD.

 BUT THEN AGAIN, IT MIGHT HAVE.

SOMETIMES I JUST GET SO ANGRY!!

MOTHER USED TO LOCK ME IN MY ROOM WHEN I WOULD GET LIKE THAT, LET ME DESTROY ALL MY THINGS INSTEAD OF THE FAMILY'S.

THINKING BACK, I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE JUST TAKEN THE MEDICATION.

AND HE SHOULDN'T HAVE HIT ME WITH THE DARN LAMP!!!
IT'S ALL BUSTED NOW,  SEE IT?
JUST LYING THERE.  I JUST LEFT IT.   DARN IT!

AND THERE HE IS, I WISH HE'D JUST WAKE UP AND LEAVE!

BUT INSTEAD I HAVE TO DIG A HOLE, DRAG HIM OUT UNDER THE COVER OF A MOON-LESS NIGHT,  BLAH BLAH BLAH, AND DUMP HIM IN.

I BET HE'S PRETTY HEAVY TOO.

I NEVER EVEN GOT TO MAKE HIM BREAKFAST, MY SPECIALTY!
FRENCH TOAST, BACON AND A FRIED EGG!

OH WELL.

I ALREADY KNEW WE DIDN'T HAVE COMPATIBLE SUN SIGNS.

IT NEVER WOULD HAVE WORKED OUT.

BUT HE HAD THE PRETTIEST EYES! HAS! HAD.

YOU MIGHT THINK IT'S KINDA STUPID TO HAVE KEPT HIM HERE THIS LONG, RIGHT?
ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING?
I CAN TELL HOW YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME.

BUT IT WAS KINDA NICE, IN A KOOKY SORTA WAY.

 SOME PRIVATE TIME FOR JUST HIM AND ME.

WE DIDN'T KNOW EACH OTHER VERY WELL YOU KNOW.

I TOLD HIM LOTS OF STUFF ABOUT MYSELF, PERSONAL STUFF.

WELL HE CAN'T TELL ANYONE!

AND DON'T WORRY, I DIDN'T TELL HIM ABOUT THAT.

OH WELL, GIVE ME THAT LIPSTICK WILL YOU?

I DON'T LIKE ANYONE TO SEE ME WITHOUT MY LIPSTICK.

********************************************************

Burning DNA

We used to walk up this road holding hands.

See how it ends at the woods up there?
Back there, that's where we used to have our bonfires.

He was always the drunk guy that would climb
up into the old treehouse
and then jump down and land REALLY CLOSE,
or in the fire.  He thought it was hilarious,
all ninja-like.





I have dreams about him;
I'm wandering through a haunted house
 looking for him.
I know he's there, but I can't find him.
Shit.  I hate those dreams.

Once I had a sad dream;

 we were in a beautiful garden,

and I was holding his hand and we were smiling and

I said    Let's go explore   and 

he let go and said     I can't, I'm dead.

They actually found him out there,
by the old fire spot and the old tree house.
I haven't been back there for years.
There's condos there now!
Maybe in the dirt under the foundations,
there is a fossilized boot print, or
some of his DNA on a flattened and burned beer can.
(does DNA burn?

The only proof left that he was ever here in the first place.

Except for that elusive spirit of my dreams.

a Fairy Tale

************************

Once upon a time,

...from the directions he'd been given, he thought he knew which way to go, but -

...coming upon the bitter sweet sameness of the hotel, he-

.

...and felt distracted by the 

...and the walls seemed to press and the-

...while seeming to stretch for miles, 

as a hole in the ceiling, unpatched, leaked

.. all", she yelled from the other side, "it just takes one turn and-

Take off your boots.

I like to leave them on.

...and laughing, he wondered aloud what it was that had driven her to this, to this-

...holding his arm, pressed to the wall, the sign was so clear that he memorized the-

...painful memories, and he hurried past it.

...she said, and maybe this town wasn't the place for him, maybe she was right.

The End

********************************************

Today Is A 9

Congratulations!

This may be the best day of your life!

If you look like me, there'll be nowhere to go but UP!

It doesn't take a million to feel like a million!

i'm stuck i'm trapped in a cycle that i never chose or wanted to be in or ever even visualized i'm working and what for where does the money go for clothes and shampoo and drugs and gas for the car to get to the job to pay for the car to drive to the job.........

Why don't you try THIS toothpaste, you know you'll feel less alone!

Your hair needs coloring, your clothes are drab but golly there's hope!

Buy a lottery ticket, this is your day!

why don't things ever change or nothing happens to me bored remember when exciting events  used to just occur out of the blue and you could look forward to the day or at least you felt there were possibilities, the good old days when....

Uh oh! You have to wear a diaper.  Never fear, if you use OUR brand!

Hurry you need life insurance! Don't just stick your loved ones with the bill, pay it off yourself! Again and Again!

Become a nudist! Play golf! Join a club!

and now it's almost over and i have a list, see right here a list of all the things i wanted to accomplish and now they'll never well maybe i mean i just got botox so i still look young and i go to the gym 5 days a week and i never miss yoga and i'm vegan and i'm handsome and i eat organic----

                                                      Silence. Silence. Silence.

****************************************************

I'm Right Here

You never know I'm there.

Do you?
That's ok, I'm not mad!

I think sometimes you might sense me, if I 

(accidentally or maybe on purpose) 

brush to close to you.

 You have the greatest little habit of looking quickly to the side as if you'd seen something.

I love watching you do that.

But I don't think you know it's me.





We've been together for years now!  I know you so well!
But you never know it's me.



I don't want to scare you -

Occasionally, I have to admit,  I get this overwhelming desire to reach out and touch your arm as you're stepping into the shower, just throw you the tiniest bit off balance, just to see how you'll react.
Wouldn't that be funny!


No don't worry, I won't do that.  Mostly because I'm not allowed to!

(I don't like trouble.)

We live in different worlds you and I

Let me tell you there are a lot of rules where I live.

Here are some:

No Touching

 No Speaking Unless Thru Electronic Devices

 No Frequent Moving of Objects

Some ghosts are luckier, they get to make as much noise as they want.
But I don't want to just haunt, I want to....
....have coffee or a drink with you, share a napkin,
 go to a museum and look at the pictures and ooo and ahhh and complain and admire.
I know that you do these things, I've seen you.
And I was there, but....not really.

I remember the difference!

Oh well, I still enjoy being with you.
Maybe you can see me, a little to the side.

LOOK!



I'm right here.








******************************************************

Ghost Vacation

We took our family out to Tombstone Arizona and

had a pretty good time.

The locals were a bit vicious,
 but that can be expected of a former town that is a bit jealous of all of you that still live in a normal town with real people.

But ordinary people used to live here doing
everyday things just like we do at home.
They seem so foreign and antiqui-y now -
It kind of gives you a sense of....perspective
I guess.









We saw some strange stuff that's for sure.

The definite highlight was when Dory got her photo taken

at the old timey photo place.  She had her own money

and she new exactly what she wanted the picture

to look like.  She even told the photographer

how to take the picture!

Ready?

Here it is:





Cute huh!




She's a pistol, always has wanted to be a drinker
like her mom!  Just like Mama we told her!

But it does kind of creep me out, the way that

 people can be in one place and fill it with all the stuff of their lives, and then in 100 years, poof! it's all gone. Like they were never here or if they were, they would be like aliens to us, they were so different.

And we'll one day become the ghosts.

I don't think I'll go back to Tombstone, that  feeling was too weird.  I don't like thinking about that kind of stuff, boring!
Next year we'll go to Hollywood California, and look at the movie stars!
There's no ghosts in Hollywood,

is there?

******************************************************

The Boy in the Wood

Don't look too closely.

Things fit together too well when you
correlate so closely.
 "Coincidences" will tend to
pop up and
events that seemed completely
disparate
 begin to make so much
horrifying linking sense.

The Veil is lifting.
********************************************************

I remember when I told mama and papa about the boy in the wood.

They really didn't want to hear, so I tried to speak louder.

He always sat on the stump right by my trail,
 I whined.
He just stares at me and doesn't move and
doesn't say a word.
He makes me feel funny.




It's a free wood, they replied, smiling behind their faces.

I know, said mama, make friends with him!
What?
He's a lonely little boy.
I've seen him, papa added.




But he's got a knife.
So? they replied. Try harder.
He looks at me strange.
Don't be conceited.
He looks at me mean.

What would Jesus do? Go watch t.v.

I spent the rest of the summer, afraid to go out, afraid I'd see him, over there with his knife and I'd have to walk right across the grass and go right up to him and stick my hand out and say:

 Hello, will you be my friend?

Finally I just had to use my wood path to visit those faerie friends who lived deep in the forest.

I wondered if he would be there.

I thought about him as I peed.

To get to the trail, I had to pass that sour smelling, flowering bush-tree.  It hid the trail from our house.

 I saw the stump.

He was there!

 I spied him carving foreign designs into the stump between his legs.  

He hadn't yet seen me, so intent on his work;  head bowed, dirty clothes.

I approached with stealth.

Finally I was close enough to smell him.                                                     Oranges.  Sweet.

I very very carefully sat back in the weeds on my heels and watched him work.

It was peaceful and violent and I wondered if he would carve the wood down into the ground.

A breeze came up and I saw him sit up straighter.

He turned.

He saw me.

For years we stared into each other's eyes.

And then he was gone, into the woods, away away.

But I want to be your friend! I screamed after him.

The stump.  The stump.

I ran to look at his carving, his hacking, it will tell me All!

I saw a heart.  His heart,

my heart gashed and gouged there, in that wood.

He had made this for me to find.

A message, a token of his friendship!

After I got the bright idea of getting the burlap bag to pull it on, the stump became much easier to move.

I keep it with me even now.

No, no,  I never saw him again.

See, the stump, it's right behind that table.

You can look at it if you want.

I don't have to see it all the time,

but I like to know that it's there.

Things fit together too well when you

correlate too closely.

 "Coincidences" will tend to

pop up and 

events that seemed completely

disparate

 begin to make so much

sense.

Don't look too close.



******************************************************